This
is a slightly revised version of a story that appeared in my collection, The All-You-Can-Read Buffet.
“Vote
Yak”
“Mister
Yak, I’m Agent Rob Miller of the United States Secret Service.” The tall,
muscular man in a blue suit flashed his badge.
The
floor creaked as Yak walked around his desk for a closer look at the
badge. After studying it for a few
seconds, he asked, “Agent Miller, is the Secret Service taking my candidacy
seriously?”
Putting
his badge back in his coat pocket, Miller answered, “Sir, the way it was
explained to me was that the courts will decide the legality of your
candidacy. If they decide it is illegal,
then we will go our separate ways. But
as long as you are on the ballot in at least one state – and given your … special
circumstances – you are to be protected.”
Yak
returned to behind his desk. “But the
other candidates have teams of agents protecting them. They only sent you. Why?”
“I’m
not to be your total protection, Mister Yak.
I’m just here to get the ball rolling.” Agent Miller opened his
briefcase and took out a data pad. “This
contains our basic manual for protecting dignitaries. Is your Head of Security here?”
Yak
gave a deep, barking laugh. “My Head of
Security is also my speechwriter, my spokesman, and about twenty other
things. Right now I have no idea where
he is.”
“Well
then,” Miller set the pad down on the desk.
“I’ll just leave it here for him.” Taking out his wallet, Miller added,
“Here’s my card.” He set the card on top of the data pad. “Have your Head of Security contact me after
he’s read through it.”
Yak
nodded.
Miller
nodded back. “I’m sure you have a lot to
do, so, good day, Sir.”
“Before
you go, Agent Miller,” Yak asked, “would you answer a question?”
Miller
paused for a moment, then said, “Of course.”
“Would
you vote for me?”
Miller
stared at Yak for several long moments.
He finally answered, “With all due respect, Sir, I oppose on a multitude
of levels giving human intelligence to animals.
But you, like all other manimals, are innocent of your creation. Now, do you have the qualifications to be
President? I don’t think so. But does that mean I think no manimal could ever
have those qualifications?” Miller paused for a moment. “I don’t know.”
Yak
sat down on his haunches. “Thank you,
Agent Miller, for your honesty.” After a moment, he asked, “Would you indulge
me in answering another question?”
Miller
checked his watch, then nodded.
“How
many death threats has Governor Hayes and Senator Weinbaum received in the past
month?”
“I
am not at liberty to discuss that.”
“Two
or three, perhaps?”
Miller
shook his head. “I am not at liberty to
discuss it.”
“I’ve
probably received that many this morning,” Yak stated. “They’re on the ballot in all fifty-two
states, while I’m only on one.”
After
a moment, Yak added, “Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate what the Secret
Service is trying to do, but as you saw by just walking in here, I don’t have
much in the way of security. Part of
that is because so few people are willing to work for me, and the other is that
I won’t have others sacrifice their lives for me. Going into this I knew it was unlikely I
would survive to the election. My very
existence threatens the beliefs of too many people.” Yak shook his head, then
looked up to Agent Miller. “I’m
sorry. I’ve become rather maudlin these
past few months.”
Miller
smiled. “No apology needed, Sir.”
Standing
back up, Yak said, “My Head of Security and I will have a long discussion when
he comes back, and we’ll decide what protection I’ll need.”
“Very
well,” Miller said. “And even if you
refuse our protection, we may still be able to give you some assistance.”
“Thank
you, Agent Miller.”
#
Miller
walked out the front door of the decrepit Yak Headquarters and crossed the
street. He took the badge out and
dropped it in the first garbage can he came to, even though it was a waste of a
quality forgery.
Half
a block later he heard the explosion and frowned.
***
If
this made you interested in more of my stories – especially those of a
political nature – than you are in luck.
Because by the time this goes up, Political Pies – my other collection
of short, political stories – will be free to download on Kindle. It will be free until next Tuesday, November
6, 2018, which happens to be Election Day.
So grab a free ebook to read while you wait in line to vote, or to
reward yourself for doing your patriotic duty.
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